Existence can be too noisy; humming florescent lights, buzzing printers, car noises, ringing phones, blaring televisions, and voices coming from every direction. Most days I go through the sound jungle by tuning it all out and not realizing why I'm utterly agitated. Like waking from a nagging dream to the realization of a blaring alarm clock, some days bring a maddening realization that sanity will only be preserved by shutting it all off.At the time of my grandmother's death, I was a first-time mom of a very demanding 8-week old. Sleep deprivation and over-stimulation from constant demands were already taking their toll. I had never been faced with the death of a close relative before that time. It was a chaotic season in my small world. After the funeral, we did what every surviving family does - deal with the estate. We cleaned out clutter, donated unwanted items, and stored whatever remained. A cozy home was transformed into an empty building. Once the house was emptied there were many evenings that I would go into the dark living room and sit on the floor against the bare wall. The only noise that would arise would be the passing of a train from time to time; otherwise, just darkness and quiet.
Fast forward a few years. Three small children and a full-time job was cranking pressure down like a vice. The kids cried most every morning when I would leave for work which was never a happy start to a day. Work was either maddeningly boring or insanely busy; no in-between. To say the family was miserable puts it mildly. Knowing that, and also knowing that I was only giving somewhere around 30% into anything I touched, kept my mind buzzing. On days that chaos could not be contained, I would skip any errands or lunch plans and bolt to the library. Yes, the library.
I love libraries. The only sounds that interrupt the quiet are pages turning or hushed whispers. The couches are old and worn which only means they are extremely comfortable. Even the temperature is maintained at a perfectly comfortable level regardless of any heat wave or bitter-cold rain outside. Just walking through the doors lightens my attitude.
Rewind back many, many years. My childhood home had a side lot with pecan trees on the property. To young me it seemed as if it was 100 acres. The reality is that it is only an acre, if that big. In the spring Brown Eyed Susans would bloom, covering the field in bright yellow. Fall would bring pecans down to the ground. In either season, I would go out into the field and just sit; alone and quiet.
Most moments need to be faced head-on regardless of the noise and chaos. There is also a very appropriate time to unplug and shut it all down for a bit. Seasons change and things that bring us peace change with them. Life shifts and nothing remains the same; nothing, except for our mind's need for quiet. What you find comfort in today might not be the same for tomorrow but wherever you are, find a place to just be.

